Blog:Eiji's Top 10 Favorite Movies of All Time (Feat. Grust, Masson Thief, and the South Park characters)

I’ve been watching too much South Park.

Cartman: Kyle, what the hell are you doing at a 13 year old Asian dude’s home!?

Kyle: Cartman, I’m waiting for Eiji to do his presentation on his favorite movies. Now go away, fatass.

Cartman: Kyle, Grust is way better than Eiji, because he's older.

Kyle: Cartman, shut up, I’m trying to wait for Eiji.

Cartman: Fine.

Grust: Okay, you two better shut your traps before I force you two to listen to the Barney song with Masson Thief. Right Masson, you want company?

Masson Thief: *not speaking*

Kyle and Cartman: Fine, we’ll stop.

Grust: Good. Eiji’s about to start.

Stan: Oh boy, I can’t wait.

Kenny: (I can’t fucking wait)

Eiji: Why hello there children. I’m here to do a presentation on my top 10 favorite movies of all time. I know that’s a lame introduction but still.

Cartman: This is boring. We should’ve gone to Grust’s presentation instead.

Stan: Cartman, shush. We’re trying to listen.

Kyle: Yeah, fatass.

Cartman: Fine.

10. Only Yesterday: Possibly one of Isao Takahata’s best films (I still haven’t seen Grave of the Fireflies). It’s one of the most unique films by Studio Ghibli since it’s so human. Hayao Miyazaki is shaking by how great Takahata is. It’s my favorite coming of age story and I highly recommend it to all of you.

Stan: This movie looks amazing. I really need to watch this.

Cartman: Boring.

Kyle: Shut the hell up, Cartman. Don't insult him like that.

Cartman: But it's true. This presentation’s boring.

Grust: Two more chances Cartman.

Cartman: FINE!

9. Your Name: OH MY GOD! This movie was so touching. I loved how emotional this movie was. The narrative is complex, the animation is beautiful, and the voice acting is decent, especially in Japanese. Mitsuha and Taki have amazing chemistry too and it doesn’t go to waste at all. You guys should also watch ‘’Weathering With You’’ that’s coming in theaters in 2020.

8. Coraline: This movie falls way below the uncanny valley. This is what makes it so creepy and unsettling. It has terrific stop-motion animation and detail, even for Laika’s first feature film and amazing performances. Coraline herself is lovable and relatable, while the Other Mother is very intimidating.

7. Scream: Ahh… Scream. The film that revitalized the slasher subgenre. It made fun of the clichés that have been overused in other slasher films prior to this movie, and put its own twist in the genre by turning the film into a “whodunit” mystery with humor in it too. Ghostface even became a popular horror icon.

Masson Thief: Grust, get me out of this shithole.

Grust: Shut up Masson or else I will have Eiji physically torture you with a special thing.

Masson Thief: I don’t want to know what it is…

Grust: If you don’t want to know, then shut your trap before I make you play Superman 64 and film you raging at it.

Masson Thief: Okay fine, just continue torturing me with the Barney song.

6. Hereditary: THIS. FILM. TERRIFIED. ME! I can’t think of any scene in Hereditary that isn’t scary. From the beginning to the end, it was a complete horror ride, with occult themes and scary elements. Toni Collette even gives off her performance of her career, especially in the scene where she yells at Peter at the dinner table. I highly recommend this film to anyone who wants a good sca- oh whoops *knocks over a pole*

Kenny: *gets crushed to death*

Stan: OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED KENNY!

Kyle: YOU BASTARDS!

Eiji: Sorry, my bad. Let’s continue, shall we?

Stan: Why the hell does he not care that he accidentally killed someone?

Cartman: I don’t know. He’s probably stupid as shit anyway.

5. Castle In The Sky: The first film by Studio Ghibli. This was formerly my #1 favorite film, until other films took over. I loved the action and fantasy this movie had, even when it was animated. It’s an extremely fun film to watch and should be on your watchlist.

Stan: I kinda agree with Cartman. This is getting boring.

Grust: Do you want to listen to Barney’s song with Masson?

Stan: *panicking* Okay, I’m sorry Grust.

Masson: Goddammit, I can’t have any comp-

Grust: SHUT UP MASSON BEFORE I MAKE YOU WATCH A CAILLOU MARATHON! GOT THAT!?

Masson Thief: Yes, master Grust.

4. Perfect Blue: Ahh… Satoshi Kon’s film debut. A psychological thriller that’s entirely animated instead of live-action about how fame and exploitation can lead to sheer consequences. Like how Grust tortures the admins on CGW while I insult other people for my pleasure. Anyway, Perfect Blue is such a scary animated film that it inspired me to make my own adult animated horror movies. Hell, it even inspired Darren Aronofsky’s Black Swan. I REALLY want people to watch this movie before they die.

Kyle: We’re going to stay here until it’s over. Got that you two?

Stan and Cartman: Yes, Kyle.

Trevor807: Goddammit you three, I’m trying to listen. Zip your traps.

Masson Thief: Please Grust, I can’t take this torture anymore.

Grust: If you complain one more time, I will send you to Eiji’s… uh… ROOM! That’s it.

Masson Thief: Where Vicious187 is?

Grust: Uh… Yes. BUT SINCE THAT BARNEY SONG IS INEFFECTIVE, I SHALL SUMMON THE BABADOOK TO STALK YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!!! HAHAHA!!11!!!!!1!!!!!!!1!!!!1!

Masson Thief: OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Eiji: Oh, yeah, about the Babadook, let's get things going.

Cartman: Finally this is getting interesting.

Stan: I gotta go take a-

Kyle: Stay in your seat, Stan! God!

Stan: But Kyle, I really need to go!

Kyle: Piss your pants then!

3. The Babadook: Easily the best film of 2014. Sorry Boyhood, but this movie is a competitor.


 * sad music plays for Boyhood*

Anyway, it’s a unique type of horror since it mostly focuses on the mother’s inner feelings of grief and paranoia ever since her husband’s death. And Essie Davis’ performance as Amelia is AMAZING! Although Samuel is a brat in the first 40 minutes or so, he eventually develops and stops acting bratty and tries to fight the Babadook. Believe me, when you see him in your room at night, you won’t sleep a wink.

Grust: *casting his spell* If it’s in a word, or it’s in a look, you can’t get rid of the Babadook.

Masson Thief: Oh no, this is gonna be bad. Oh wait, Grust, I’m no longer scared of you. You don’t exist.

Grust: I’ll WAGER with YOU, I’ll MAKE you a BET. The MORE you DENY, the STRONGER I GET. You start to CHANGE when I get in, the BABADOOK growing right UNDER YOUR SKIN. Oh COME! Come SEE what's UNDERNEATH! *summons the Babadook*

The Babadook: What the hell do you want now, Grust?

Grust: I want you to stalk Masson Thief in his sleep.

The Babadook: I certainly will, Grust. Time for me to continue stalking :D

Masson Thief: *trembling* Oh Jesus, not the Babadook again. First was Pennywise, now him? My ears are already bleeding from the Barney song, and now I have to be stalked by the Babadook :(

The Babadook: Ba ba ba dook… dook… DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!!!

Masson Thief: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Grust: Heh heh heh… My torture method is working >:)

Cartman: Grust, I have another way to torture Masson.

Grust: Alright, bring it to me.

Cartman: *whispers in Grust’s ear*

Grust: That’s a good idea, Cartman. MASSON!!!

Masson Thief: Please… no more…

Grust: Yes, more…

Masson Thief: D:<

Grust: Time for… a Twilight movie marathon. Muah hah hah!!!

Masson Thief: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I DON’T WANT TO SEE ANYMORE OF KRISTEN STEWART’S HORRIBLE ACTING!!!

Grust: Well guess you’re gonna have to.

Stan: Grust, stop torturing Masson Thi- Woah! *gets grabbed by Grust*

Grust: *straps Masson Thief and Stan to a chair*

Masson Thief: Well guess this is the end fella.

Stan: Guess it is…

Grust: Now I’ll play the DVD’s. Feel my wrath… *plays the movie*

Masson Thief and Stan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

Stan: WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO TO YOU GRUST!? I’M NOT EVEN AN ADMIN ON CGW!!!

Grust: IDFC! Now continue watching Twilight!!!

Stan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

The Babadook: I’m enjoying this :D

Eiji: What’s that sound? Oh well. Must be the wind. Let’s continue.

2. Psycho: There’s a reason why this is considered one of the greatest horror films of all time. Alfred Hitchcock helped revitailize the genre with this movie. It has an amazing storyline, and a ton of shocking moments, such as the famous shower scene where Marion Crane gets stabbed to death. It’s also considered to be one of the earliest examples of a slasher film, since it came out in 1960.

And now for the honorable mentions.

Kyle: Cartman, where’s Stan?

Cartman: I don’t know, he’s probably in the bathroom.

Kyle: He can’t be in the bathroom. He can’t be gone for this-

Stan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! STOP IT GRUST!!!

Kyle: I think that’s his voice! Come on, Cartman!

Cartman: Oh shit…

Grust: Feel my wrath, you two. Right Masson?


 * Masson is in a near-comatose from looking at Kristen Stewart's horrible acting*

Kyle: Grust, you got to stop this. Torture isn’t going to solve your problems.

Grust: Oh really? Well it’s for my own pleasure.

Kyle: Think of what you’re doing to them. They’re going to be completely scarred for life.

Grust: I don't give a damn, Kyle. They’re going to be tortured whether they like it or not.

Kyle: Look at Masson. He’s barely breathing. You can probably kill him. And Stan is suffering a seizure from Kristen Stewart. You’re gonna kill them, Grust.

Cartman: No, Grust. Continue torturing them. They love the torture! You need to keep them screaming their heads off and have them crying heavy tears.

Kyle: Eiji’s torture methods are way tamer than you'res. You’re instead psychologically scarring your recipients and could potentially leave them depressed later in life. You’re doing the same thing to all the other admins on Crappy Games Wiki.

Cartman: Do not listen to that piece of shit! Continue torturing the admins and get them psychologically scarred for life!

Grust: I don’t know who to listen to. You guys are all so detailed.

Honorable mentions:


 * 1) Spirited Away: Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Matthew The Guy: Why isn't it on your list, dipshit!? I’m sorry. Anyway, this movie is a major classic in animation. It’s been considered one of the greatest animated movies of all time. It was the highest-ranking animated film in BBC’s poll for the best films of the 21st century. It won the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature of 2001. It’s gorgeously animated. It’s amazing! But sadly, it’s been overshadowed by all of these movies on my list, so sadly, it’s just an honorable mention. Weebs: Screw you Eiji!
 * 2) Paprika: This film is one of the weirdest anime I’ve ever seen. I heard it inspired Inception with it’s dream entering related topics. It's gorgeously animated and has amazing performances. However, I felt it lacked any character development and didn’t really make sense, so it’s just an honorable mention.
 * 3) Avengers: Endgame: The movie that concluded The Infinity Saga. It was thrilling, full of action, and had a ton of humor. Iron Man and the Avengers were still at the best and I was saddened to see Iron Man die. Sadly, I felt the movie was slow paced and it took forever for scenes to move along, so it’s just an honorable mention.
 * 4) Heathers: Heathers… Way before Mean Girls was released. It was one of the funniest movies I’ve watched in a long time. Unfortunately, just like Spirited Away, it’s been overshadowed by the other films on this list, so it’s just an honorable mention.
 * 5) La La Land: The film that should’ve won Best Picture instead of Moonlight. This movie was amazing from start to finish. Mia and Sebastian had amazing chemistry and the songs were by far the best parts of the movie. Unfortunately, the ending wasn’t really satisfying enough, so I left it as an honorable mention. But hey, at least the ending isn’t as bad as Moonlight's shitty ending, ain’t it?
 * 6) South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut: This movie was hilarious from start to finish. It had all of the cursing and humor that the show had and it never disappointed at all. The boys were extremely funny throughout the movie and it was able to reach its full potential too. And the songs were amazing. However, it’s been overshadowed by the other films on this list, so I had to leave it out as an honorable mention.
 * 7) Fin-

Trevor807: ENOUGH WITH THE HONORABLE MENTIONS! WE WANT TO KNOW YOUR NUMBER ONE FAVORITE MOVIE!!!

Eiji: Alright fine.

Meanwhile…

Cartman: You better continue torturing Masson, Stan, and the other admins!

Kyle: I'm serious, Grust! You have to stop torturing Masson and Stan!

Grust: Um… Umm…

Kyle: Do the right thing.

Grust: Uh…

Cartman: Heh heh heh…

Grust: You guys are free to go.

Kyle: Yay! Yahoo!!!

Cartman: What!? This is impossible! How can this be!?

Stan: Thank you so much, Kyle.

Masson Thief: I’M FREE! YAY!

Grust: Aright Masson, you’re free for now.

Masson Thief: YAY! THANK YOU SO MUCH, MASTER GRUST!!!

Cartman: SCREW YOU, KYLE! I HATE YOU!!!

Kyle: Alright, let’s go back to the presentation.

Alright… My number one FAVORITE movie of all time is… drumroll please?

1. My Neighbor Totoro: I’M SERIOUS PEOPLE! THIS MOVIE WAS AMAZING FROM THE OPENING TO THE ENDING! Nothing can ever beat this movie from being my complete favorite of all time! Totoro is such an iconic character that he even got his own merch and plushes. The animation is GORGEOUS!!! Satsuki and Mei are super likable, and the backgrounds are super detailed. Hayao Miyazaki really made a major achievement in animation by making this movie. This is now my number one favorite movie ever. What can beat it? NOTHING!

Cartman: You're dead to me, Kyle. Got that?

Kyle: Alright, shut the hell up.

Cartman: You’re gonna get it soon, Kyle. You’re gonna get- OW!

Stan: Cartman, please, stop threatening Kyle like that.

Eiji: Alright children, I hope you enjoyed this presentation, and I’ll see you tomorrow. Now I gotta go to my room.